


A Not-So Casual "Affair"

by IlanaNight



Series: A Most Unholy Union [1]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: M/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-17 07:50:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4658517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IlanaNight/pseuds/IlanaNight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bill asks Ford a very personal request, and Ford can't believe that Bill really intends on going through with it</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Not-So Casual "Affair"

**Author's Note:**

> based on a headcanon question I got about Bill really wanting to nettle Ford by being AGGRESSIVELY ROMANTIC with Dipper

When Ford wasn’t down in the basement lab conducting his research- much of which was focused on exorcism and demon confinement these days-, he liked to sit on a bench outside and read. Thirty years traveling between dimensions had given him a wide view of the universe, but it had also left him woefully behind on the literature of his own dimension.

 

So on lazy afternoons like today, he splayed himself out on the bench facing the woods and read with the chirping of the birds in the background. It was blessedly peaceful.

 

...Until it was interrupted by a lilting voice cutting through the silence.

 

“Stanford Pines, _just_ the man I was looking for on this _fine_ afternoon,” without looking up, Ford knew exactly who had interrupted his solitude. It was the only person-no, the only _creature_ that would do such a thing.

 

Brown eyes flicked up from the pages of the book, a grimace on his face, “What do you _want,_ Cipher? I’m busy, if you couldn’t tell.”

 

The demon took one look at the cover of the book before grinning and shrugging, “He gets beheaded, the wedding never happens, the end. There, now you’re not busy anymore. Because I have an _important_ question.”

 

A look of anger and surprise flickered over Ford’s face before he threw the book at Bill, the demon ducking just in time to avoid being hit, “What the _fuck,_ Cipher? I was still _reading that._ Now I won’t be _surprised.”_

 

“Sure you will, there’s another two books. And he’s got like another two planned at least. Calm down, Glasses.” At a snap of Bill’s fingers, the book disappeared from the ground beside him and replaced itself in Ford’s lap, “Now, as I said, I have a _very i_ mportant question.”

 

Ford took several deep breaths to prevent himself from lunging forward and strangling the demon, he’d promised Dipper he wouldn’t hurt Bill unless the demon actively injured him first, and Ford was certain that meant physical injuries, regrettably, “Unless it’s ‘how do I get as far from Gravity Falls as I can?’, I’m really not interested in helping you, freak.”

 

“Mmm, _nope,_ can’t say that’s it. _But,_ it does involve you, and I _know_ you’ll be interested,” Suddenly, Bill was right at Ford’s side, the mischievous grin tugging at his lips revealing sharpened incisors.

 

Gritting his teeth and clenching his fists, Ford took another breath before forcing a cold smile, “Just spit it out and leave me alone, Cipher. What do you want?”

 

“I want Dipper’s hand.”

 

The phrase was short and spoken with determination, but with it came a degree of nervousness that was unfamiliar to Bill, and he visibly pushed it off his face, looking up at Ford with a carefully blank expression.

 

“....You want… Dipper’s _hand?_ What kind of sick freak are you, asking someone if you can cut off their nephew’s hand? And why are you asking me that in the-”

 

“Not like _that,_ you **_imbecile!”_ ** Bill’s voice was shrill as he yelled, stopping Ford in the middle of his rant, “I knew you humans were stupid, but geeze, aren’t you supposed to be the _smart_ twin? I want his hand in _marriage,_ idiot.”

 

If at all possible, Ford’s expression was even more shocked at that and he stared at Bill, head tilted to the side, “You… you want _what?”_

 

“Hell, man, do I have to _spell it out_ for you? I want to _marry_ your _great-nephew,”_ the irritation in Bill’s voice was apparent as blue sparks jumped from finger to finger, barely contained agitation visible in the glimpses of magic, “And if I remember correctly, humans have some strange rule about having the permission of the family to do such a thing. Since Dipper’s father is otherwise occupied, you and Stan are the next closest thing. Stan’s already given me his blessing, but I _know_ if I do this without your knowledge, you’ll make Dipper’s life _hell_ , and I won’t be having that. Only _I_ get to give him hell.”

 

Another pause came before Ford burst out laughing with incredulity, “You can’t be serious? You really think I’m gonna buy that? I bet you really do need his hands and you’re just gonna pull a fast one or something. Nice try, freak.”

 

Bill’s eye flashed from gold to red as he took hold of Ford by his collar, pulling the man’s face to be level with his own, “I’ve had enough of this, Glasses. We have our differences and I respect that, but I will _not_ let you continue to joke about what I have with Dipper. I am going to marry him with or without your blessing, but I know it will mean a lot to him to have your support. This is your chance to earn some points in his book, so you might want to _take it!”_

 

Outburst over, Bill let go of Ford and the older man saw the claws for a moment before they retracted to fingers, red iris simmering back down to gold, “Will you give us your blessing, Stanford Pines?”

 

Ford was still in shock over the outburst and the whole matter at hand, but in his heart, he doubted Bill would ever go through with the action. This was surely just another piece to the demon’s master plan. But Ford sighed, it was better to let his plan move forward to a point where Ford could catch him than have Dipper upset about him for his ‘prejudices’ again, “Fine. You have my blessing, Cipher. But my threat still stands- you hurt him and you’re gone.”

 

“Acknowledged, Glasses. Now, if you don’t excuse me, I have a proposal to arrange,” Bill’s face remained expressionless until he turned on his heel, a wide grin consuming his expression as he sped off, a spring in his step.

 

Neither Bill nor Dipper could be found for the rest of the evening, but the next morning they were both at breakfast. Dipper’s face was flushed and the blossoming edges of bruises were visible above the neckline of his shirt, a clear confession of the sins of his evening, but the biggest clue to what had transpired sat on his left ring finger.

 

A ring with a trillion cut diamond sparkled there, and Bill’s fingers were interlaced with Dipper’s so that the ring caught the light, drawing attention to it.

 

“I imagine you all know what my announcement is for this morning….”

 

Robbing him of his suspense, Mabel squealed, throwing herself at the demon and hugging him before ripping Dipper’s hand free from Bill’s grasp, examining the ring from all angles.

 

“Oh, I was _so_ worried you’d pick out something _awful,_ but it’s _perfect,_ Bill!”

 

Rolling his eyes, Bill slipped his now free hand around Dipper’s waist, “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Shooting Star. I’ll have you know I have very good taste in clothing. Dipper just disapproves of me magicking them up, so I’m stuck with what I can buy here.”

 

“It’s rude to just create clothes out of nothing, Bill. Or steal them from somewhere else by spiriting them away- yes, _even if_ you leave gold in their place,” Bill looked offended by the concept, but closed his mouth nonetheless, not wanting to get into an argument.

 

  
“Alright, Pine Tree, you win that. So long as you let me pay for the outfits for the wedding. I’m going to get us the best money can buy. What’s the point in having a limitless supply of gold if I can’t shower you with gifts, hmm?” The last sentence was purred as Bill nuzzled in closer to Dipper, pressing a kiss below his ear and coaxing a yelp and a flush from the brunet who shoved him to the side a bit.

 

“Bill! Not right now… We’ll talk about that later. We’ve got errands to run today, and I’m pretty sure it’s Mabel you should be talking about for the wedding plans.”

 

And from the excited expression on her face, that was an entirely true statement.

 

Breakfast was a tense affair, Ford refusing to look up from his plate the majority of the time, and when he did, it was only to glare at Bill or the offensive ring on Dipper’s finger. He couldn’t believe the demon had actually gone through with it.

 

Promptly after breakfast, Bill cleared away his plate and Dipper’s before dragging the brunet out by his hand, grinning, “We’ll be back with groceries later! Ta ta, Pines Family~!”

 

“I know you claim to like shopping, but this is weirdly enthusiastic, even for you. What’s got you so psyched?” Dipper’s voice was genuinely curious as he unlocked the car, getting into the driver’s side and waiting until Bill was properly belted in before starting it.

 

The demon was grinning wide and took hold of Dipper’s hand, kissing the ring and the finger beneath it, “I’m excited because I have an announcement to make, and this is the _perfect_ way to do it. Gravity Falls is a small town, a trip to the grocery store and the mall should be _more_ than enough to ensure that everyone knows what a lucky man-well, demon- I am.”

 

Dipper’s flush was deep enough to last the entire drive to the grocery store, and he was still pink when the couple stepped in, Bill swinging their hands between them.

 

It seemed he was keen on keeping his promise of ensuring the whole town knew by sundown.

 

When they reached the produce section, where a good few people were gathered, Bill cleared his throat loud enough to get everyone’s attention. Some were curious, others just annoyed, but everyone turned his way nonetheless.

 

“Friends, neighbours, I have some _wonderful_ news,” And he tugged Dipper forward by their joined hands, flipping them so the ring faced everyone, “Yesterday, I proposed to the love of my existence, and he said _yes.”_

 

The women instantly crowded around them, chattering excitedly and looking at Dipper’s ring with intrigue, kissing both of their cheeks and patting Dipper’s shoulder, telling him not to look so flustered, it was his day. The men were less enthusiastic, but a couple of them gave Bill congratulatory pats on the back and threw smiles Dipper’s way.

 

By the time they got to the checkout, the cashier already knew, congratulating them on their way through, and Bill’s mouth was stretched into a proud smile.

 

If Dipper thought the scene at the grocery store was embarrassing, he wasn’t even close to prepared for what Bill did at the mall. The demon had complained, stating he needed new shoes because the current ones weren’t shiny enough to see himself in, and dragged Dipper up the escalator.

 

Once they reached the top, though, the blond stopped, cupping his hands around his mouth, “Ladies and gentlemen of Gravity Falls, I would like to many an announcement!” And Dipper wasn’t sure if Bill was amplifying his voice with some sort of magic or if he was just yelling overly loud in his excitement, but every head in the mall turned to them as Bill grabbed his hand and pulled him in hard enough to cause Dipper to trip. Taking advantage of that, the demon dipped him, pressing a kiss to his lips before turning back to the crowd that had gathered, “I’m marrying Dipper Pines, and nothing could make me happier!”

 

A smattering of catcalls and applause came in response before the congratulatory masses swarmed down upon them with their questions and their hugs and tears. Dipper was overwhelmed, just nodding and thanking everyone, but Bill ate the attention up, that smile never leaving his face.

 

Bill Cipher felt like he was on top of the world, and by god, he looked the part.

 

The week that followed was a terribly social one, phones ringing off the hook as citizens of all ages and social statuses called to give their congratulations to the happy couple. Bill and Mabel happily fielded each call, giving a bit of information about the details of the wedding that were decided on before promising to send an invite. The wedding itself was months away, after all.

 

A couple of days in and Ford couldn’t handle the noise anymore. He decided to go down into town to escape the constantly ringing phones, or Mabel and Bill’s respective squeals and laughter as they looked at wedding books. He needed space, he needed silence, he needed to get away from all of this wedding nonsense.

 

His great nephew was marrying a demon and the whole town was rejoicing, and Ford just couldn’t handle it.

 

Walking down the street, he sighed in relief at the silence once again. No phones here to bother him, no demon to grin as he walked through the room and throw his folly in his face. No reminders of the turmoil back home.

 

“Stanford! I can’t believe you’re out and about, shouldn’t you be at home? You’ve got such a big wedding to plan, after all! Send Bill and Dipper my love, would you?”

 

Defeated, Stanford groaned, running a hand through his hair. He just couldn’t win.

 

 


End file.
